Where did September go? I saw it in the golden trees and darker skies. I felt it in the crunchy leaves and cheek-chilling wind, but here we are, already heading into the next month.
Tell me, how did your September go?
I’m happy to say that I stayed accountable to myself by publishing one new post a week last month. But the aftermath is another story. My multi-tasking side went into overdrive as I promoted and shared the heck out of everything.
So far, the engagement has been all too lovely and I know that consistency is key to continue broadening and building up an online presence. It’s also surprising so many of you identified or could relate to my post on multipotentialites. It’s so awesome and encouraging to know there are so many of us out there.
I do wonder what and why this is all for though, this blog. I’m already bombarded with a 9-5, freelance writing work, and other random projects now put on hold. Blogging is so time consuming, and I’m not sure if I can keep this up for months or years on end.
But it’s rewarding to share my experiences and thoughts in the hopes of helping other people, and I know this space acts as a portfolio–albeit a more personal portfolio at times. But it’s a space that has helped me land a few writing gigs here and there too.
It’s funny, a year ago I was itching for change, and I made a change, a small one. But this year (around the same time again), I’m itching for an even bigger change.
I leave for London next weekend, for just a week, and I still have mixed feelings about it. I’ve learned a lot about social perceptions and whatnot when I tell people I’m going to London by myself.
The first reaction is of surprise, followed by why. Why are you going by yourself.
I want to say because I can, and because I just want to. But that kind of vague answer rarely satisfies a curious human being. So I explain how I found a cheap flight last minute ish, and that I didn’t want to wait for anyone else. But that’s still not good enough and I’m met with questionable stares (like I’m up to something).
A few weeks ago, I explained to a friend how I’m not sure what I hope to get out of this trip. I want it to be amazing, but I don’t feel amazing about it right now.
We shouldn’t need to seek approval from others, but then again it never hurts to feel supported or encouraged. Even the most confident person in the world will break and crack from social pressures or negativity once in awhile.
There are risks to travelling alone, we all know that, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe others aren’t so keen on the idea, which is completely understandable.
There are people who will understand where I’m coming from, and people who may never, but I guess that’s what makes all of us unique and interesting.
But the not-so-enthusiastic reactions, or judgement, of choosing to take a risk, of doing something not everyone has the desire to do, has put a damper on things I admit.
At the same time, I’m not going to let it get my spirits down too far. Whatever happens on my first solo adventure to a new country, a new city where I know absolutely no one, will probably enlighten me in some way or another. Whether or not I have a good or bad experience doesn’t matter, what I’m after is to learn something new about myself, people, or another culture.
Last month, I was also thinking about the words “I can’t” quite a bit.
I can’t learn about this because it’s too hard. I can’t go somewhere because it’s not just not possible with my current life situation. I can’t get out of bed because I’m too tired. All perfectly valid reasons for why we can’t do something.
But I started thinking about it like this. There’s really no such thing as I can’t, and we should probably delete those words from our vocab right now.
Instead, we should replace it with “I’ll try” and then “I’ll try again,” before we go back to believing we can’t do something.
I believe if we put in the time and effort, and make it a priority, then can’t shouldn’t exist in our lives. Can’t was born from the fear, worry, or lack of confidence we have in ourselves, and the only way to overcome all that is to try.
I love trying, and I will never stop trying until I realize something isn’t for me, or when something doesn’t align with my values or who I am. Until then, I never want to say I can’t or you can’t to myself or anyone else.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times when I thought I couldn’t do something.
I didn’t think I could prove to people, or myself, that I can write well enough to get my name published out there. I didn’t think I could convince a room full of professionals, double my age, that I know what I was talking about.
I didn’t think I could organize a team from start to finish to shoot a short film. I didn’t think I could jump off a bridge and out of a plane. I didn’t think I could trek 22 km across a volcano in one day when I was sick.
But I tried really hard to do those things, and whether it was magic or not, I discovered that hey, it’s possible to do the things I thought I couldn’t. We all can.
And now, those moments are what I look back on as proof. Proof that can’t is just an excuse for the things we have yet to try.
Another reason why I’m going to London by myself–because I want to try travelling alone, I want to see what else I’m capable of. So let’s try to our heart’s content, and see what happens. No judgement, no expectations, just trying.
What have you been struggling with or what do you want to try?